Hurry Up and Wait

Isaiah 40:31 (KJV) But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Growing up in church, I heard the idea of waiting on the Lord preached many times.  It was always presented as an indefinite lingering, not for those with a patience deficit.

But I think it's worth taking a second look at.

The word "wait" in this verse is translated from the Hebrew "qavah," meaning, according to Strong's, "to bind together, i.e. collect; to expect:--gather (together), look, patiently, tarry, wait (for, on, upon)."  The word "expect" caught my attention when I saw it.

The idea of binding together to expect gets a lot of traction when you consider how "qavah" is translated in other verses.

Job 7:2 says, "an hireling looketh for the reward of his work:"  The word "looketh" here is translated from "qavah," so the hireling has completed the assigned task and has now come expecting his agreed upon wages.  He's not hanging out just in case he gets paid; He has come expecting to receive.

In this light, waiting on the Lord isn't patiently hoping for something from God; It's coming to Him with the expectation of receiving from Him.

Let's look at another verse.

Genesis 1:9 says, "And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear:"  The phrase "be gathered together" is also translated from this same "qavah."  I can just imagine the waters collecting together and rising up in expectation of what God is about to do.

I've had young people ask me why they generally have better altar experiences at youth convention or camp than at their home churches.  I believe it's because they come together at those events expecting to get something from God.  When they're at their home churches, their attitude is more, 'if it happens it happens.'  The experience has less to do with the music, the preaching, or even God, and more to do with the attitude they go in with.

I would suggest that the true meaning of waiting on the Lord is to come to Him with great anticipation that something is going to happen.  This seems to be a common characteristic in congregations that regularly experience powerful moves of God.  Those are the folks whose strength gets renewed, who run and don't get weary, who walk and don't faint.

So hurry up and wait!

Dear Pastor (Part 2)

The first of these letters is to the pastor of the church at Ephesus, founded by the apostle Paul.  We gather from Paul's writings, as well as from the book of Acts, that the Ephesus church was a strong and thriving group of local believers.  So it's not surprising that this letter opens with high praise of its pastor.  

"I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars: And hast borne, and hast patience, and for my name's sake hast laboured, and hast not fainted."

(Revelation 2:2-3)

This pastor is hardworking, thinks longterm, has zero-tolerance for posers, and shows great stamina.  So perhaps he/she may have been caught off guard a bit by the next statement.

"Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love."

(Revelation 2:4)

"First love."  For years, my understanding of this term was thrown off by my cultural referencing of it.  Every once in a while, I hear someone say something like, "I married my first love."  I know that they're probably referring to the first person they ever had romantic feelings for, perhaps a high school sweetheart.  With this as my reference point, I superimposed this understanding of "first love" over Revelation 2:4.  But it doesn't work.

From a chronological standpoint, spiritually speaking, our first love was the world, not Christ.  Obviously, the Lord wouldn't "have somewhat against" anyone for leaving the world.  So I took a closer look at "first love."

"First," from the Greek protos, meaning, firstly (in time, place, order, or importance).  Having already ruled out "firstly in time," I explored the alternatives.

A pastor friend of mine once said that, "the best commentary on scripture is scripture."  So I decided to see where else in scripture protos was used and in what context.  Here's what I found.

Beware of the scribes, which desire to walk in long robes, and love greetings in the markets, and the highest seats in the synagogues, and the chief rooms at feasts;

(Luke 20:46)

Both "highest" and "chief" in this verse are from the Greek protos.  These weren't the first seats you came to in the synagogue.  They were first in importance as it pertained to their occupants.  These weren't necessarily the first rooms you stepped into upon entering the house.  They were reserved for those distinguished few whose names appeared at the top of the guest list.

In the same quarters were possessions of the chief man of the island, whose name was Publius; who received us, and lodged us three days courteously.

(Acts 28:7)

"Chief" here is from protos.  Publius wasn't the first man to live on the island, but he was apparently the most prominent man living on the island.

"For we have found this man a pestilent fellow, and a mover of sedition among all the Jews throughout the world, and a ringleader of the sect of the Nazarenes:"

(Acts 24:5)

Here, "Ringleader" is from protos.  Paul isn't accused of being the first member of the sect of the Nazarenes, but rather of being a leader within the sect of the Nazarenes.

"But the father said to his servants, Bring forth the best robe, and put it on him;"

(Luke 15:22)

"Best" here is also from protos.  The servants didn't grab the first robe they saw in the closet, but it was a first-class robe.

"This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."

(I Timothy 1:15)

Again, "chief" here is from protos.  Obviously, Paul wasn't the first sinner, but as sinners go, he ranked himself at the top of the baddies list.

"...worshipped and served the creature more than the Creator..."

(Romans 1:25)

In this verse, "more" comes from protos.  The Samaritans of 2 Kings 17 who "feared the LORD, and served their own gods" come to mind.  They didn't understand that serving God meant "him only shalt thou serve" (Luke 4:8).  He wasn't first to them.

"And he said unto another, Follow me. But he said, Lord, suffer me first to go and bury my father... And another also said, Lord, I will follow thee; but let me first go bid them farewell, which are at home at my house."

(Luke 9:59, 61)

"First," protos.  This time, there is a chronological aspect, but the connotation here is that they chose something else over following.  This is in direct contrast to James and John, who didn't say, "Let us finish mending our nets first, and then we'll follow you."  It was about prioritizing.

In all of these examples, protos carries a sense of 'highest rank,' 'greatest value,' 'most important,' or 'top priority.'  

So when the Ephesus pastor is charged with leaving his/her protos love, it would seem that there had been an adjustment in priorities, that "most important" had slipped to "important."  Not that he/she didn't still love Jesus or was shirking his/her responsibilities.  But as T.F. Tenney might say, the Ephesus pastor failed "to keep the main thing the main thing."  

How serious was this charge?  Read the next verse in the letter.

"Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent."

(Revelation 2:5)

Remember that per Revelation 1:20, the stars represented the pastors, and the candlesticks represented the churches.  The consequence for  the Ephesus pastor failing to repent in this matter would be losing his/her church.  We, as pastors, would do well to take note of this example.

There are a number of important things in our lives.  "But seek ye first [protos] the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).  

The next verse in Revelation 2 slips back into the vein of the beginning of the letter.

"But this thou hast, that thou hatest the deeds of the Nicolaitanes, which I also hate."

(Revelation 2:6)

Note this distinction.  The Ephesus pastor didn't hate the Nicolaitanes, but rather the "deeds" of the Nicolaitanes.  We need to preach against sin in all of its forms and fashions, but I get a knot in my stomach when I hear a pastor preach against people, politicians, social groups, etc.  God gave his only begotten son because he "so loved the world" (John 3:16), not because he hated it.  "We love him, because he first loved us." (I John 4:19).  So let's preach the truth without fear or favor, but "speaking the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Otherwise, we are "as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal" (I Corinthians 13:1), just making a lot of noise.

The letter closes, as all seven letters do, on a positive note.

"He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; To him that overcometh will I give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the midst of the paradise of God."

(Revelation 2:7)

The pastor is encouraged to keep the faith, and is reminded of the hope and promise of our eternal home.  A great way to end any letter, and a great way to end this blog post.  :-)

Dear Pastor (Part 1)

Letters.  They can be fascinating glimpses into personal thoughts of people past and present.  Our New Testament is saturated with them.  

Growing up, I heard a lot of teaching on and from these epistles in midweek Bible study.  But there were some letters that more often made it into the Sunday sermons.  I’m referring, of course, to the letters contained in the 2nd and 3rd chapters of John’s Revelation.

I always heard them referred to as the “letters to the seven churches.”  But are they?

The easiest way to determine a letter’s recipient is, of course, to check the salutation.  Reading the salutations of New Testament epistles shows that many are addressed to an entire group of believers within a city, or even across entire regions.

“To all that be in Rome, beloved of God, called to be saints” 

(Romans 1:7)

“Unto the church of God which is at Corinth, to them that are sanctified in Christ Jesus” 

(I Corinthians 1:2)

“...unto the church of God which is at Corinth, with all the saints which are in all Achaia” 

(II Corinthians 1:1)

“...unto the churches of Galatia” 

(Galatians 1:2)

“...to the saints which are at Ephesus, and to the faithful in Christ Jesus” 

(Ephesians 1:1)

“...to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi, with the bishops and deacons” (Philippians 1:1)

“To the saints and faithful brethren in Christ which are at Colosse” 

(Colossians 1:2)

“...unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ” (I Thessalonians 1:1)

“...unto the church of the Thessalonians” 

(II Thessalonians 1:1)

“...to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad” 

(James 1:1)

“...to the strangers scattered throughout Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia” 

(I Peter 1:1)

Often, these recipients were even encouraged to share their letters with each another.

“And when this epistle is read among you, cause that it be read also in the church of the Laodiceans; and that ye likewise read the epistle from Laodicea.” 

(Colossians 4:16)

The salutations of other New Testament epistles show that they were intended for a solitary reader.

“Unto Timothy, my own son in the faith” 

(I Timothy 1:2)

“To Titus, mine own son after the common faith” 

(Titus 1:4)

The letters in the 2nd and 3rd chapters of Revelation are often talked about as if fitting into the former category, a letter to the church in Laodicea, for example.  But this is not entirely accurate.

The introduction to the book does state, “John to the seven churches which are in Asia” (Revelation 1:4), and John is told in the 11th verse of the first chapter, “What thou seest, write in a book, and send it unto the seven churches which are in Asia; unto Ephesus, and unto Smyrna, and unto Pergamos, and unto Thyatira, and unto Sardis, and unto Philadelphia, and unto Laodicea.”

But within this letter we call “Revelation” are contained seven smaller letters that are more recipient-specific:

“Unto the angel of the church of Ephesus write...” (Revelation 2:1)

“And unto the angel of the church in Smyrna write...” (Revelation 2:8)

“And to the angel of the church in Pergamos write...” (Revelation 2:12)

“And unto the angel of the church in Thyatira write...”  (Revelation 2:18)

“And unto the angel of the church in Sardis write...” (Revelation 3:1)

“And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write...” (Revelation 3:7)

“And unto the angel of the church of the Laodiceans write...” (Revelation 3:14)

Not, “Unto the churh of,” but “Unto the angel of the church of.”

Now most can agree this is not a reference to the traditional noncorporeal being the average person thinks of when they hear the word “angel,” but rather the consensus is that this refers to a pastor, which is consistent with “a messenger,” the meaning of the Greek word “aggelos,” from which “angel” is translated.

To say that a letter to the pastor of a church is, by extension, a letter to the church body seems a bit of a stretch considering that the Lord, himself, clarifies them as distinct and separate.

“The seven stars are the angels of the seven churches: and the seven candlesticks which thou sawest are the seven churches.” 

(Revelation 1:20)

Reading these as letters to pastors then, rather than to congregations, brings a fascinating twist to their context, especially if you’re a pastor.

A Response to the 1 Timothy 2:2 Kerfuffle

The recent US election has elicited strong reactions from apostolics, but the big kerfuffle in the Twitterverse centers around 1 Timothy 2:2, which says, “For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.”  Some use this verse to say we should pray for the sitting president.  Others contest this, saying it is preposterous to suggest that we lend prayerful support to anyone whose policies are contrary to or even in direct opposition to biblical principles.  Several have even imagined the scenario of early Christians praying for Nero to combat this notion.  But to quote my neighboring pastor, Louis Pio, “the best commentary on scripture is scripture.”  So let’s examine scriptural precedent.

Let’s start with these two verses:

But God is the judge: he putteth down one, and setteth up another. (Psalm 75:7)

...he removeth kings, and setteth up kings: (Daniel 2:21)

We love to quote these when we like who’s sitting in the Oval Office, but when we don’t, well, not so much.  Nevertheless, we have a great example of God orchestrating power into the hands of someone we would not have endorsed.  Let’s read Jeremiah 27:5-8:

“I have made the earth, the man and the beast that are upon the ground, by my great power and by my outstretched arm, and have given it unto whom it seemed meet unto me.
6 And now have I given all these lands into the hand of Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon, my servant; and the beasts of the field have I given him also to serve him.
7 And all nations shall serve him, and his son, and his son's son, until the very time of his land come: and then many nations and great kings shall serve themselves of him.
8 And it shall come to pass, that the nation and kingdom which will not serve the same Nebuchadnezzar the king of Babylon, and that will not put their neck under the yoke of the king of Babylon, that nation will I punish, saith the LORD, with the sword, and with the famine, and with the pestilence, until I have consumed them by his hand.”

Did you notice how God referred to  Nebuchadnezzar as “my servant”? This was not because of the king’s policies or platform, certainly not.  It simply meant that God was using Nebuchadnezzar, with or without his knowledge, to accomplish his will on the earth at that time.  Granted, by and large, this didn’t immediately go well for most of God’s people, but (without getting into a lengthy history lesson) if you step back and examine the big picture, it had far-reaching impact and ultimately resulted in a renewed devotion among the people of God on a level not seen since the days of Solomon.  These events had a lasting effect on the Jewish people that persists even to this day.

I concede that “four more years” under President Obama may not immediately go well for most of God’s people, but he is no less a servant of God than Nebuchadnezzar was.  We just can’t yet see the full big picture that is still unfolding.

I think we all agree that “all things work together for” our good (Romans 8:28), but “all things” includes bad things, not just good things.

Also notice in the above passage that those who refused to put their neck under the yoke of the king risked punishment from God himself.  And in case you might be thinking this is an isolated Old Testament notion, consider this:

“Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation.” (Romans 13:1-2)

Does this mean we should support the current administration’s policies or even pray for their success?  Not at all.  It simply means we should accept their role in God’s plan, not fight against it.

A good example is Daniel and his companions under Nebuchadnezzar.  These young men were taken from their homeland, castrated, educated in the ways and language of Babylon, given Babylonian names and placed in positions of authority in the kingdom of Babylon.  Yet they seemed to recognize God’s hand in all this, for we never see them use their positions to influence the king’s policies or rally support against him.

Whenever they found themselves in direct conflict with the king’s decree, they simply took a personal stand, not against the king, but for God’s law.  There were no calls for a referendum on worshipping the golden image.  Why?  Because this wasn’t Jerusalem.  It was Babylonia.  They recognized that they were foreigners in a strange land.  They knew where their true citizenship lay.

Now see the parallel in 1 Peter Chapter 2:

“Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims...Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme; or unto governors...For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men: As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God. Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.”

You see, this is not New Jerusalem.  It’s America.  Like Daniel & friends, we must know where our true citizenship lies.  Our stand should never be against administrations, but for righteousness.

Look at Daniel's response to Darius' lions' den decree:

"Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime." (Daniel 6:10)

And this brings us full circle back to 1 Timothy 2:2.  For better context, let’s include the verses before and after:

“I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men;
2 For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.
3 For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour;”

There are a couple of aspects to this.  First of all, God is “not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).  Yes, Democrats have souls, too.

Secondly, we can give thanks for President Obama because we understand that he is a servant in God’s big-picture plan for our greater good (dare I say even end-time revival?).  And given the warning in Romans 13:2, we can see how doing so might result in “a quiet and peaceable life.”

So while we may be “perplexed” by recent political events, we need not be “in despair” (2 Corinthians 4:8).  If history is any indication, we are now in a better position to experience the revival in America that we have so longed for.

The Fugitives: A True Story

During the late 1990s, my wife, Stacey, and I were living in a secluded wooded area out a dirt road in Blaine (suburb of Mars Hill), Maine.  This is one of the most quiet rural areas one could live in.  Life is slow and laid back, and pretty much nothing of note ever happens there.  Being in the northeast corner against the Canadian border, it's not an area people generally pass through to get somewhere else.  If you come to northern Maine, it's usually because your destination is northern Maine.

One beautiful summer day, the tranquility was broken by the sound of gunshots ringing out across the countryside.  Somehow, a pair of fugitives from Michigan had ended up in northern Maine and had a run in with police in Bridgewater, the small town directly south of us.  They managed to escape the shootout unscathed and fled the scene in their vehicle.  They drove right past the end of our road, with the police in hot pursuit.  They abandoned their vehicle and fled into the woods directly across from the Apostolic Pentecostal Church of Mars Hill, where we were on staff at the time.

As details of these events made their way to us, my wife became extremely concerned.  We lived in a beat-up nineteen sixty-something trailer that was less than secure.  The frame was so off kilter that the door didn't truly close.  You didn't even have to use the doorknob to open our door.  A simple push was enough, even if it was locked. 

"What if they come here tonight?" Stacey asked.  I assured here that the police had the area where the fugitives were hiding surrounded, and that, even if they did manage to sneak past the authorities, we were miles away and had absolutely nothing to worry about.  She agreed with my assessment, and that evening, we went to bed as usual.

In the early morning hours, when it was still pitch black in our corner of the woods, Stacey, who is a light sleeper anyway, woke up to the sound of activity in our kitchen at the other end of the trailer.  Compelled to investigate, she quietly made her way down the narrow hallway.  When she got about halfway down, she noticed the door was wide open.  It was at this point that she called out to me.  When she did, whoever was in the kitchen, ran out, bumping the door as they went, causing it to swing back and forth.

Being the heavy sleeper that I am, it took me a minute to get my bearings and make my way to her in the hallway, at which point she told me what she had just witnessed.  I told her she was letting her imagination get the best of her.  I told her that it was probably just the wind blowing the door.  I told her the noise she heard was likely Zeek & Daisy, our two ferrets who had free run of the trailer.  She agreed, saying that my explanation was more realistic.

With the door now wide open, we assumed our ferrets had gotten outside, so Stacey tried to coax them back by shaking their can of treats.  As she made her way towards the front of our shed, I stood on the steps, not yet fully awake.  The sun was not yet up, and my eyes were still adjusting to the starlight.  As I stood there trying to focus my vision, I thought I saw a shadowy figure standing next to the shed, but I kept in mind how many times I had mistaken a tree stump for a moose alongside of the highway before.  And since it wasn't moving, I now accused myself of letting my imagination get the best of me.  That is, until the shadowy figure turned and ran into the woods without making a sound.  I asked Stacey if she had seen anything, but she hadn't.  At that point, our ferrets came running out from under the shed and up to Stacey.

We then returned to our kitchen and turned on the light.  The kitchen had been ransacked.  There were dishes everywhere, even on the floor.  As mischievous as our ferrets were, they were not capable of anything on this scale.  And then we saw them, the large muddy prints all over the kitchen counter.  And there, on the window of the door, a distinct muddy print and the streak of mud down the door where the paw had slid as the door swung open.  Our intruder was not a fugitive from Michigan, but a Maine black bear.  As we began to take stock of our kitchen, we realized he had taken our can of hot chocolate powder.  I was not happy about that.

Not long after that, our intruder was downed by bear hunters.  He weighed in at over 400 pounds.  Ever since, I have warned people not to mess with my wife, because she once scared a 400-pound bear out of our home.  We had incidents with bears on our property after that, but none ever came inside again.

Oh, and as for the fugitives, they fell victim to something much more aggressive than the bear.  They were attacked by a swarm of Maine mosquitoes.  The next morning, they exited the woods, covered with bites, and surrendered themselves to the safety of police custody.  And we all lived happily ever after.  The end.

The Storm of '92

Twenty years ago today, I had a winter experience that eclipses all my other winter experiences, and as a Canadian, I have a plethora amazing winter memories.

It was February 1, 1992.  I was living in the Moncton area in New Brunswick, Canada, at the time.  It was already snowing hard when I got off work at the BiWay in Champlain Place.  I cleaned the snow off my car and headed for Salisbury, where I was boarding with a wonderful elderly couple.  But to get onto the highway, I had to drive up an access ramp that was drifted in with so much snow, I couldn't break through.  I turned and went back down the ramp into downtown, but the snow was falling so hard and fast I was having difficulty driving even on the flat streets.  I realized I wouldn't be able to keep driving for much longer, so I pulled into a Tim Horton's and parked.

I remembered that some folks from the church lived a few blocks away, so I locked the car and headed out on foot.  There was snow and ice and wind galore.  I was unprepared for the weather and only had a summer cap for my head.  By the time I arrived at their house, it was dark, and I literally had chunks of ice hanging off my ears.

I'll never forget watching the storm from their living room window and seeing lightning, the only time in my life I've ever seen lightning in a snowstorm.  It lit up every flake in the sky, and was just amazing to behold!

The next morning, there was too much snow to open the front door.  Fortunately, the back of the house was L-shaped, and the wind blew just right so that the snow drifted in such a way that it left a large cavernous quarter-circle of no snow around the back door, so we were able to get out.  The snow was so deep that we were unable to tell where vehicles were.  They were completely buried.  This created problems all over town as plows would strike cars abandoned in streets.

Most of the reports say there was just over five feet of snow, but I'm 5'7", and when I dug a path from the front door to the car, I couldn't see over the sides of my path!  We later heard that there snowdrifts so deep that they came over the top of even the biggest highway plows, and I believe it.  When I finally did get back to the BiWay, there was a drift over the outside doors to our stockroom that went all the way onto the roof of the mall.

One of the most amazing sights was Main Street.  When they cleared the snow, it left a massive snow wall between the street and the sidewalk so that you couldn't even see the storefronts.  The merchants cut out doorways through the snow and spray painted  their business logos on the street side of the snow wall.

Unfortunately, in 1992, we didn't all have cameras in our pockets, so I don't have any photos to say, "Look!  This was the mega storm I got caught in!" And that makes it seem all the more surreal now.  But I can say that I was there, and it sure makes for great conversation at social gatherings.

In my travels, I have met people who can count on one hand the times they've seen even a little bit of snow, but I experienced a snowstorm that even most Canadians have not seen.  And somehow, that makes me feel special.  I shall never forget The Storm of '92!

Noah's Facebook Wall

Noah
Day 1:  God shut the door to the ark.  Feels like I forgot something.  Oh well, too late now.
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Noah
Day 2:  Remembered what I forgot--toothbrush and deodorant.  Eh, it's just family, right?
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Noah
Day 3:  Someone came knocking today.  Thought we were a preschool & daycare.
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Noah
Day 5:  Sitting and waiting.  Quite relaxing, actually.  Should have done this years ago!
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Noah 
Day 7:  Sounds like someone pouring water onto the roof.  Weird.
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Noah 
Day 8:  A lot of screaming and mayhem going on outside.  So thankful to be in the ark!

Noah’s Wife and 6 others like this
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Noah 
Day 19:  Nothing like lying in bed listening to the sound of rain outside.  Don’t wanna get up!
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Noah
Day 47:  The rain stopped.  Now I can’t sleep.

Noah's Wife  Now I can sleep.  You don’t snore when you’re awake.                   
Japheth  Got a song on my heart today:  “I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!” 
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Noah
Day 72:  Caught Ham’s wife trying to light a match in the elephant room.  We really dodged a bullet today!

Ham's Wife  “Flammable” and “Explosive” are so not the same thing.  You need to change your sign! 
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Noah
Day 157:  Feels like we’ve run aground.  Door still closed, though.
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Noah
Day 269:  The crew seems to be suffering from cabin fever.

Ham's Wife  Well, yah.  You won’t even open the window!
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Noah
Day 270:  Opened the window today.

Ham's Wife  Should have done that, like, weeks ago!
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Noah
Day 271:  Doing a little experiment with a raven and a dove.  The wife doesn’t get it.

Noah's Wife  You’re the one who doesn’t get it.
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Noah
Day 272:  The dove came back.

Noah's Wife  You see?  I told you a dove would never mate with a raven!
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Noah
Day 273:  Curious.  Ever since I opened the window, the dogs have had their heads hanging out.
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Noah
Day 320:  Celebrated my 600th birthday! Kids gave me a parrot that’s been next to the roosters, so it crows.  However, unlike roosters, it doesn’t wait until morning to crow. Thinking of trading it for a rabbit or hamster.  Or a rooster.
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Noah
Day 377:  God opened the door.  In the scramble to get out, one of the winged unicorns was trampled to death, leaving the last surviving female with no mate.  So sad.
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Noah
So beautiful!  Thank you, God, for your promise!

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Noah planted a vineyard in FarmVille!
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Noah
Just signed a deal for a new reality show, "Big Brother: Ark Edition!"  I'm going to become a household name!